queen of her castle

working toward my dream

2012-01-08T22:40:00.001-06:00

Since Wyatt was born and the birth and breastfeeding experience that I had with him, I feel a light bulb turned on inside of me. After years of wanting a natural birth and wanting to experience everything I've heard about it, I finally got it with Wyatt. Though I was induced by pitocin, I worked hard throughout the day to stay away from narcotics and epidural. And though after my water broke, I seriously doubted myself and thought there was NO WAY I could do this and begged for an epidural, 30 minutes later my son was coming out all on his own and it was like a force inside of me was just doing it all for me. Later I'd realize that that "force" I felt was me. My body got a natural rush of oxytocin and did everything it was meant to do. What it was designed to do all along. There was no stopping what was happening. The nurses tried to get me to hold back because they weren't ready at all and the doctor was still on his way. It was so natural and ready or not, he was coming!! There was no one telling me when or how hard to push my son out. I was just doing it as I felt it. And in 3 big pushes, he was out. Instinctively, I reached down to grab my son as I gave him one last push. No one told me or anything, I just knew it was time and I grabbed for him. It was almost animalistic. If I wasn't laying in a hospital bed, I'd swear I was out in the woods somewhere giving birth all on my own because I was just doing it (and had I been in the woods, I know now that I COULD do it).

I know everyone who has a natural birth says the same thing, but this experience gave me THE MOST empowering feeling I've ever felt in my life. It's sort of like beating on your chest, "I am woman, hear me roar!" kind of feeling. If I can do this, I can do anything. And God help anyone who tries to stand in my way because after this, I'm GOING TO do whatever it is I want to do because I CAN. And then after a bit of a struggle with nursing Wyatt in the beginning and the help I got with his latch from one amazing lactation consultant at the hospital along with Sabrina's help and encouragement as my peer counselor, I successfully breastfed him until he was 10 months old (and only stopped because of becoming pregnant and getting some pretty insane nipple soreness just from being pregnant as well as Wyatt sort of losing interest because the taste can change to sort of salty which they don't like). This experience made me realize my calling. I knew after all of this that no matter what it took, I needed to find a way to one day help women have the same amazing, beautiful, empowering experience that I had with natural birth as well as breastfeeding. My dream is to one day become a lactation consultant myself as well as a birth doula. There's not a thing in the world that would make me happier in life than to achieve this dream.

But how would I get there? Well as some of you may know, I tried to get a job with the WIC department as a peer counselor. After MONTHS of keeping in contact with the director and a few interviews, they went with someone else (and only because she was breastfeeding TWO children which means nothing). I was devastated. After I dried my tears (for the most part) I called up Sabrina. She was my peer counselor while I nursed both Carter and Wyatt. I also knew she was a doula. I don't know what compelled me to call her since we didn't really have a personal relationship other than her help with my breastfeeding but I knew that she was doing everything that I wanted to do in life and I needed help and I needed to know how else I could make this happen. I told her everything that happened with WIC and how upset I was (and then of course broke down crying again). She comforted me and reassured me that my dreams were NOT over. That this was a bump in the road and that on her journey to achieve her dreams, she had door after door slammed in her face but she kept going. As it turns out, if I would've told Sabrina I was interested, she could've helped me get the job and would've given me a great reference. Unfortunately, even after she called to talk to the director, it was too late because they had already hired the new girl.

But Sabrina assured me it wasn't over. She was willing to give me help along this path because she knew it was hard to find the resources you needed to complete the training and licensing for these things. Basically, she would be my mentor. I felt SO thankful! I couldn't believe someone would take me under their wing like this! And though it took a while because we both got a little busy and caught up with life in general (and then I got pregnant which I was sure would be a deal breaker and she'd tell me I had to wait until I had the baby but she didn't and there's still so much I can do in the meantime!), we finally got together this past week to begin a plan of action. She gave me a big book of hers to help my training, a place where I can begin to get some training online (that she may even try to help fund for me as my mentor, WOW!), and she's having me start calling her doula and placenta encapsulation moms postpartum to help them with any breastfeeding questions they may have. So while she helps me get my training, I'm helping take a little bit off of her and helping her grow her business. It's a win-win for both of us. She's going to start training towards midwifery soon and her dream is to have her own practice and I hope to one day be able to assist her and maybe be a doula working within her practice that she can recommend to her moms and I can work along side her. I know everyone always says everything happens for a reason, but I never really felt that until now. Now Sabrina has the freedom to train me the way she sees fit and mold me to work with her the way she works. Maybe if I had gone through WIC, I wouldn't have had that same outcome or wouldn't have such freedom to work with her the way I can now.

Tonight I made my first call to a mom who just had her baby on Friday. I was SO nervous and about to throw up in my mouth but I made it through. I got an answering machine but hey, it was still practice! Afterwards I was so pumped to call anyone and everyone I could help but not quite time for that yet (in due time, young grasshopper). I should be making more calls this week and introducing myself to more and more moms that she works with in her business and getting more and more experience which I'll need to one day be certified anyway. Sabrina also added me to her website under her "birthing services" and put a photo of me with the boys up and a little blub about me (she will soon add my bio that I wrote, as well). I felt so proud to see myself on her website. It was just another moment of excitement to add to how thrilled I am to be working toward the true career of my dreams. I may have had a lot of thoughts about what I wanted to do with my life. I may have even attempted to do something I thought I wanted to do and realized that while it was interesting to me, it wasn't my true passion. I know that this is my calling. I know that I am meant to do this. And regardless of all the bumps in the road or doors I may have slammed in my face or people that try to knock me down or stand in my way along my path, I know that I have to get through and make this happen. I guess this feeling and desire I have to do this it's almost as natural as childbirth - the way it was truly meant to be all along. ;)

(my spot on Sabrina's website - Birthing Empowerment and Doula Services)

it's been a while...

2011-12-07T15:02:00.001-06:00

Hello again to all of my followers (those of you who have stuck around)! Boy oh boy has it been a while. I know I wasn't an incredibly active blogger but 5 months is a long time. Sorry for my absence but life just crazy. It's been crazy since the birth of Wyatt but things have just been especially nuts in the past few months. Long absences come with lots of missed events so I'll kind of give you a little bit of what's going on.

Carter turned 3 in September! He's such a sweetie and so helpful at times but he can be a REAL pain too! I feel like 2 was way easier than 3 already. He's very defiant and I know he knows what he's doing when he's doing something wrong but he chooses to do it anyway. It's frustrating but we're working on it.
Wyatt is now 10 months old. Since he was born, it seems he's been a very fussy baby. He's not a good sleeper and he's incredibly attached to me all the time. The doctor says he's going through separation anxiety which is normal for his age but it's also very difficult to deal with. I spend many days so stressed out I just cry all day because he just won't leave me alone. I love him and I want to be with him but screaming every time I set him down to go to the bathroom is a bit frustrating to deal with. I just continue to hope and pray that things get better and easier soon.
I've really been struggling with my depression and anxiety. It's becoming impossible to deal with at times and just when I felt like I had a hold on things, everything got turned upside down and I feel like I'm back to square one with it. Well maybe not square ONE as that was a pretty rough square but maybe like two? Either way, I've definitely regressed and it's difficult to deal with.
Last month we took a trip to Virginia for Thanksgiving to visit my dad. Oh yeah, he moved there over the summer for my stepmom's job. So that's been really hard too because I have even less family here now. Of course I have Erik and the boys and my mom and stepdad but now that my dad is gone, that's it. I don't have any aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, or any extended family whatsoever in Wisconsin. I'm feeling pretty alone. I've been trying to connect with new friends and people in my area though. I joined the Grafton/Cedarburg MOMS Club and that's been helpful. I'm getting myself out of the house and connecting with other moms with children close in age to mine. I hope some close friendships come of it because that would help fill the void of family here. Anyway, the trip was interesting, but it was REALLY rough with the kids and I don't think I'll be taking a big trip like that for a LOOOOONG time. :\
My mom's cancer is back and this time it's much worse. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer which they got rid of and she beat and everything has been fine. Then last month, they found 5-6 tumors on her liver and after many many tests, they discovered it to be stage 4 breast cancer that metastasized onto her liver. They also found trace amounts in her bone marrow. Because of where it is and how it has grown and everything, they know they cannot cure it. They can prolong her life but they do not think she will live to be very very old. Very very best case scenario sounds like about 15 years so that's what I'm praying for. Monday was her first chemo treatment and she will be going weekly for 6 months. They expect her to lose her hair in about 2 weeks which is one of the hardest parts for her. I'm trying to stay as positive as can be for her and I know she's having a hard time doing the same. The hospital is providing her with a wig and we're looking at all sorts of different ways to make her feel good about herself even after she loses her hair. I think the hardest part for her is all the pain that she's in. Her stomach is constantly hurting from the tumors and she can't eat much because it's painful and she has no appetite (she's lost 10lbs already in the last few weeks and they do not want her losing weight right now). I'm trying to be there for her as much as possible. I wish she lived a little bit closer because that would make it easier. It would also be easier if I didn't have the boys every day because they're overwhelming enough for me let alone her who is sick. Erik has been trying to help me out by watching them so I can go see her more often though and that's helpful.

And then of course there's the bomb..... the big bomb that dropped on us a few weeks ago.......

Oops, I'm pregnant! That's right friends, we are expecting baby #3 next summer (due date of July 8th). I'm about 9 weeks along right now. This came as such a surprise to everyone including Erik and I. We weren't trying at all. My doctor thought I miscarried September 24th but now it turns out that may very well have been my first period. But since we're not 100% on it, we're keeping the later due date as that's how baby seems to be measuring right now. Obviously Erik and I are hoping for our little girl but I'm skeptical! I don't really have a FEELING on what I'm having but I just feel like there's no way it could be a girl. I could be wrong, of course, but I guess I'm a bit of a pessimist at times! We'll be finding out in February though! So even though it's been a rough road, at least we're ending on a somewhat positive note, right?

Thanks again to those of you who have stuck around. I am looking for more ways to stay active in blogging as I do enjoy it and I enjoy hearing from all of you as well! I'll leave you with just a few photos from the last month or so!

Carter refused to be in the picture...

happy (early) independence day!

2011-07-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

I've always been a fan of the 4th. I love the way the town comes together to create a fun celebration with things for adults and children of all ages! Fireworks are one of my favorite things and I love the parade too. I find myself feeling more and more like a kid at it every year (shouldn't it be the opposite? lol) chasing after candy at the parade and oohing and aahing at fireworks. I especially love the old cars that come through the parade. I'll never forget last year when the Wayne's Drive-in float was going past and the guy with the microphone had some old music playing and was trying to get everyone to get up and dance. Everyone just sat there except for my stepdad who stood up and got into position to do the most hilarious "surfing" dance I've ever seen! I truly thought I was going to pee my pants from how hard I was laughing. That will go down in history as one of my favorite 4th of July moments!

This year we are having some friends over. I met this girl Natalie from Milwaukee on Livejournal when I was pregnant with Carter and she had just become pregnant with her daughter Luna. Although we live only a half hour apart, we have never met in person. We've always wanted to, but she was a bit hesitant after a bad experience with another LJ mom. It was completely understandable but we finally made it happen yesterday. Things didn't go exactly as planned but I was glad we got to meet and she, her husband, and their 3 kids are going to come over on Monday for a small 4th of July celebration and "take two" of meeting. I'm very excited because I've always wanted another couple with kids in our area to hang out with and we just don't have that right now. I'm overwhelming myself with the planning and I know I should really keep it simple, but I can't help but want to go all out for our small "party"! I really want to get our house looking pretty and put-together, but I know it's a long shot as I have less than two days to make it happen. I know Natalie and her family won't mind, but it's my first time hosting a little "event" and I want it to be perfect. Silly, I know, but that's me.

To my American followers, do you have any plans for the 4th? Any traditions or even funny memories to share? I'd love to hear about them.

I leave you with some fun pictures from past years!

2009

he was soooooo sleepy!

love this little truck!

old firetrucks

check out the hat ladies!

2010

mellow sausage

angry sausage!

a sucker makes it all better ;)

the classic cars are my favorite!

This was mere seconds before the "surfing" dance by my stepdad. My stupid camera wouldn't cooperate and missed the moment!

P.S. I'm also looking for the perfect 4th of July dessert to make. If you have any recommendations, please share!!

take a sip

2011-06-10T20:29:00.000-05:00

Everyone has been there. If you're a mother of two or more, you've probably been there more times than you can count. Today was one of those days.

Today Wyatt would not stop crying. WOULD.NOT.STOP. He wanted to be on me nursing all day and it was so overwhelming. I knew he wasn't hurt, I knew he wasn't hungry, I knew he had been burped, I knew he had a dry diaper on... yet he just kept crying. I was exhausted and my mother told me that I needed to let him cry. It's something you always say to a mother in this situation, but when you're the mother in distress, it's so much easier said than done. You feel like the worst person in the world if you let your child cry.

As I was struggling with Wyatt, my mom told me to let him cry. It's just so hard for me to do. I let him for a while but after I while I couldn't take it anymore. I held him on the couch and started cried myself. After a while he was calm and we were laying on the couch as I watched Sex and the City 2, which was a horrible movie, except for one part...

Charlotte and Miranda were having a drink. Charlotte was talking about how hard it is being a mother and how her younger daughter just cried all the time. It was this part that really touched me.

I felt the exact same way as Charlotte. I felt so guilty. I remember trying to get pregnant with Wyatt, wanting him so badly. I wanted this. I wanted to be a mother and after having Carter, I wanted to be a mother of two. It was exactly what I was going though at that moment and something about hearing it in a movie as it was happening made it just click. Knowing that there is proof right there that other women do go through this very same thing every day is a bit of a comfort to me.

To all the moms out there who have ever had a day like I did today or whoever do in the future, just remember you're not alone. You're not awful if you let them scream. You're not a bad mom if you want a night out and you feel good when you get a break from your child. Somewhere in the world, there's another mom just like you, me, Charlotte York Goldenblatt and Miranda Hobbes going through the very same thing. Sometimes mommies need time outs too.

So breathe, relax, and take a sip!

lovely love my family

2011-05-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night we had a family get-together at my mom's house. My stepbrother Adam is going away for a summer internship in Minneapolis. He leaves sometime today. I live in Milwaukee and it's only about a 6 hour drive, but the likelihood of me making that drive is pretty slim. It sounds like a great idea until I think about how I do with driving and usually about a half hour in, I'm ready to be all done. I have ZERO patience in the car, lol. But we'll see. Anyway, we got together and had dinner and played Buzzword. It was a lot of fun and we spent so much of the night laughing. I'm really gonna miss Adam. We're not super close by any means but I definitely wish we were sometimes. We have so much fun when we all get together and he makes me laugh so hard. I can't wait until we can go out and stuff together. He turns 21 in August and I've always wanted to go to a bar with him or something! Hopefully we'll make that happen when he gets back. I love that my siblings are getting older! Lucas is 18, Lindsay is 20, and Adam will soon be 21. They're finally catching up! ;p

(I was getting yelled at for taking too many pictures, lol)

The Rooster had a bit of a lead but Snifferz (my team - don't ask, lol) pulled through for the win in the end!

Our opponents plus Erik, who refused to play. Party pooper! He doesn't like us because we're too loud.

Lindsay's "sexy" face

Lucas, Lindsay, and Adam

he was SUPER tired and so snuggly

my "little" brother - he's the youngest and the tallest!

Erik was NOT cooperating for pictures

my dot com

2011-05-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to announce that queenofhercastle.blogspot.com is now queenofhercastle.com! So happy to have my own domain name! I wanna get working more on this blog. I need some inspiration. Any post suggestions? I might do some sort of giveaway to get more followers but we'll see.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more! ;)

the sister I (never) had

2011-05-13T22:36:00.000-05:00

My sister Lindsay and I are 4 years apart. We've never been SUPER close but when we were little I remember days of playing Barbies or Polly Pockets together and stuff. When I was 7 or 8, I remember sharing a room with her. She made me crazy sometimes but she was my sister and I still loved her and couldn't imagine being an only sibling (even if I wished it sometimes in anger). As we grew older, we grew apart a little but would still have our moments where we'd hang out in each others rooms and just talk all night or even just watch a movie sometimes. I remember really enjoying those moments, but they were few and far between. We just had different interests being so far apart in age. We also fought a lot about stupid things. I couldn't even give you an example of anything, that's how petty our fights were. It's what sisters do though, right? I always hoped that one day, we'd get over it and wouldn't fight so much anymore and we'd get older, have families and kids, and laugh about it and be close. I'd see my friends who had sisters, older or younger, who were so close and I always wished we could be like that. I always just chalked it up to our age difference because no matter what, we were always at completely different stages in our lives. I always figured one day, we would match up a little more.

Today, I am 24 and my sister is 20 and nothing has changed. I know that intellectually, that is still a big difference. I know how I was at 20 years old - I knew everything, I was always right, and I was also invincible. Then I got pregnant and I really changed for the better. I don't think that's the solution for her but I think (or hope anyway) eventually she'll grow out of her stubborn ways. But sometimes I wonder, will it be too late? Will we be able to have that close relationship I always wished for? Dreamed for? I still long for this friendship with her that I fear I'll never have. I wonder if our personalities are just too different or if she'll just always be too stubborn to have a good friendship with. It hurts. Sometimes I'll think of or hear something funny that will remind me of her and I'll want to text her or call her but I know she won't respond or answer. Sometimes I think it would be so fun to have her over and just talk, but I know she'd never come. I'd love to go out with her and do something together, just the two of us, but I know it won't happen. It hurts to not have any relationship with your own flesh and blood. To care about someone who doesn't even talk to you. To have this constant longing for friendship with a person who I fear will never feel the same way. No matter the likelihood of it or how stubborn she may be, I'll still continue to hope for it. I want that relationship with her. I guess I just hope that someday it happens.

What day is today? Today is Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T23:32:00.000-05:00

I've written so many posts in the past few weeks and deleted them. I just can't seem to get into the groove of posting and my posts end up way too long. Today, I couldn't go without posting again. Today is Mother's Day! Being a mom of two little boys, it's a very special day for me. It reminds me to appreciate being a mom through good and bad. Carter was a BEAST pretty much all day and Wyatt has been SO fussy lately but I sit here at the end of the day, cuddling on the couch with Carter, Wyatt and Erik on the other couch, and I can't imagine my life without my wonderful boys. Even when they make me crazy when Carter is throwing a fit or Wyatt is screaming his head off about nothing, I wouldn't trade it for anything. This is my family. They may not be perfect all the time but they're mine and they make my life better every day. I'm also reminded of my mother today. She and I may battle at times, but she's my mom and now that I'm a mother, I have a new appreciation for her and all that she's done for me the past 24 years.

I searched and searched my computer for a picture of my mom and me. I'm sure there are more pictures of us in photo albums at her house, but I know there are not many because, let's face it, us moms tend to spend more time behind the camera than out in front of it and in all the pictures. This evening I made sure to ask Erik to take a picture of me and the boys together for Mother's Day. I need to remember to ask him more often because he doesn't mind, I just need to remind him. :)

And one of me and my mommy. I couldn't find one with me as a baby like I wanted to, but this one is a nice one. It's from early 2007.. Erik and I were just dating (still on and off all the time but I know we happened to be sort of "on" at this time) and the boys weren't even a thought yet!

To all the wonderful moms out there, Happy Mother's Day! I hope today was just as good for you as it was for me.

laughlovelattes vintage pearl giveaway

2011-04-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

The lovely Ashley at laughlovelattes.com is having a giveaway. The winner will get a $25 gift certificate to The Vintage Pearl! It's funny because I was just looking at this website just the other day because I'd love to get something with my boys names on it. Check out her giveaway by clicking the photo below! It ends April 14th at midnight est.

a family update - two weeks overdue!

2011-03-11T10:48:00.002-06:00

Wow I'm so behind! I haven't been doing a whole heck of a lot since my last post but I just haven't had much time to get online. Babies will do that to you. ;) I've kind of been having a hard time getting into the whole blogging thing. I want to write, but I just don't know what to write about and then I end up writing about everything and it's just too much! Any suggestions?

I will say since my last post, I started Weight Watchers! I've only been doing it just about two weeks now. I'm pretty happy with it so far. I've been eating a lot better and I'm a lot more conscious about what I'm eating which I think is an important part of it for me. Plus portion size - there are times when I feel like I could just eat and eat and eat and never stop! So Weight Watchers is very helpful for that. The first week I struggled a lot and I think my body was still getting used to it. Plus I jumped into it pretty quickly. I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and I felt like I was noticing a dip in my milk supply. It scared me so I eased off a little and then got back into it and things feel back to normal now. Erik has been super supportive. He got me a bunch of healthy foods when he went to the grocery store two weeks ago and then I figured out some things I liked and what I didn't and we went back last weekend and I picked out more things to try. I love that there's a points calculator app for my phone so while I'm in the aisles at the store, I can figure out how many points things are. It was a long shopping trip and I was making Erik crazy checking everything but we made it through and it wasn't that much more than we usually spend. I tried to watch sales and use coupons.

This week marked 6 weeks for Wyatt (on Tuesday). I feel like we're finally getting a better routine with him and he's also been sleeping in his crib which is great (he refused to sleep in his crib, bassinet and pack n play since birth). I think being on a decent schedule is helping me feel like I have a bit more energy! Because of that, I began doing some exercising on my Wii that my dad gave us for Christmas. I was hoping it would work out for that and so far it seems to be. I'm not going crazy with it yet since I'm just starting and plus I don't want to strain my back (for those who don't know, I was in a car accident about 6 months ago that messed up my back pretty badly). I have done a few things on the Wii Fit thing and also I got Just Dance for Wii and that's pretty fun. Any of you who use your Wii for fitness, if you have any game suggestions, I'd love to hear them so I can try them out!

Carter also turned 2 1/2 yesterday! 6 more months and I'll have a 3 year old. Can you believe it?? Erik told me earlier this week that this time next year, he'd like to take the kids to Disneyland in California! I'm SO EXCITED! I've been to Disney World with my family three times and I love it so much and I've never been to Disneyland or California in general. He started looking into it because his sister was planning on going with her husband and daughter at that time too but now it looks like they might not be able to. But Erik still wants to go regardless. He looked into it and says he thinks we can definitely afford it. We're going to start setting aside money every month as a "Disney fund" and since we'll get our taxes back around that time, it'll be perfect! Carter will be 3 1/2 then and I think it'll be a great time for him to go. Wyatt will only be 1 but I still think it'll be fun. I'm sure Carter will be excited to show him things. Erik and Carter will probably get to do most of the rides and stuff while Wyatt and I watch but I'm sure we can take turns and on the ones Carter really likes he'll just get to go twice so that each of us can try! We'll figure it out I'm sure. Erik says he'd really like to go maybe every 3 years or something like that. He said he went when he was like 2 and then 4 but he barely remembers it and wants that to be something Carter always remembers. I went when I was a teenager for the first time and I really enjoyed it, but I always sort of wished I got to go when I was little. It's gonna be great and I know I'm gonna be excited about it for the next year!! I wish we could go NOW haha.

Lastly, Erik got me a Canon EOS Rebel t2i with some of our tax refund. I love love love it so much! I'm still practicing with it and learning all the settings. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing but I love it anyway. The pictures are amazing and it's so fast. Plus we got a package from Costco that came with an extra lens (the 55-250mm) and I'm so glad we did. I used it at Carter's swim lessons and I could take pictures as if I was standing right there when I was clear across the pool! I'm so happy with it and thankful Erik got it for me. Of course, it's my Christmas, birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day, and every other holiday along the way gift for at least the next year, but it was worth it! ;) Wyatt started smiling last week so I've been taking a lot of pictures of his smiles! For now I leave you with just one of Wyatt that I took the day I got the camera. I've gotta load the rest to my computer and resize and all that good stuff. Once I get some extra time I'll do that but Wyatt is about to wake up to eat so I'd better get going!

pearlslaceandruffles giveaway

2011-03-05T06:48:00.003-06:00

Click the photo and follow the link to the giveaway! Today is the last day for entries and it closes at 8pm GMT (5PM EST)!

kind words

2011-02-24T22:29:00.000-06:00

My friend Sara and I were talking today. We chat a lot on AIM lately. She's pregnant for the first time and it was an unexpected pregnancy but it's going well for her. She'll show me the cute baby things she and her boyfriend get and ask me questions about pregnancy in general and I like to be able to be there for her. We went to school together from 5th grade on and even lived together for a few months in 2006. She moved to Oklahoma about a year and a half ago and I've missed her a lot because we used to have a lot of fun together. Anyway, she was telling me that she and another friend of ours named Lisa were talking about how they thing I'm an awesome mom and stuff and it just made me feel really good. She said that I've been really helpful to her, answering all her questions and making the whole thing less scary for her. Lisa said I was a good person to ask and take advice from because I'm a good mom. It was just so sweet of them to say and even sweeter of Sara to share with me. As a mother, I think you always hope people see you as a good mother. So when someone tells you they do, it's a really great feeling. Like, if other people are noticing it, you must be doing something right. Not that you ever need anyone's approval, but it's still very nice to hear!

So at the end of a long, hectic day, I sit here and unwind knowing that even though today was stressful and tomorrow probably will be too, I'm going to get through it. No matter how I may be feeling or who is trying to get me down, I am a good mom.

(please excuse my hideous nails! ;x that's not dirt, it's left over axxium gel that I had just taken off)

another lazy day

2011-02-21T21:51:00.002-06:00

Our days are not too exciting lately, but they're still (somewhat) relaxing and enjoyable. Wyatt will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and just beginning to get into a bit of a routine, but it still changes every day. I'm trying to get into the swing of things so I can actually get stuff done around here. There are endless piles of STUFF laying all over the place around here. Though it's already been 4 weeks, they've been a rough 4 weeks and we've just been trying to get through them. It's hard at times but Erik just keeps reminding me that we WILL get through it. We did it before, we'll do it again. Erik has been so wonderful through all of this. When I feel like I need a break, he takes Wyatt and has me go upstairs and take a shower or even just relax and watch tv in bed. He even gave me money to go get my hair done on Sunday. He's just been SO wonderful. He gets up with Wyatt and I every night. It's never just me, he feels like that's unfair. He's such an amazing father and boyfriend. I couldn't ask for anything more in him.

We had a crazy blizzard come through yesterday and today which left us trapped in the house yet again. Weather was finally starting to get nice last week and I was hoping it meant I would be getting out with the boys soon. Wrong! Such a tease. Snow is back and in full force. I feel bad for Carter because we're just kind of stuck doing nothing all day and I feel awful that I have to put so much of my attention on Wyatt, but he doesn't seem to mind. He makes his own fun when I'm busy with Wyatt. I mean, there's no lack of imagination with this kid and he has A TON of toys. Just yesterday I heard him playing with his car ramp and saying "junction!!" (as in the Disney show Jungle Junction). He's been a very good boy through all of this and I'm pleasantly surprised. He's so concerned about Wyatt and is always trying to help whenever he's crying. He says "oh no, baby's sad!" and tries to give him his pacifier or sit by him and rub his head and say "it's okay, baby" (he still refers to him as "baby" most of the time - probably because that's what we called Wyatt before he was born since we weren't sure on a name but he can say Wyatt and hopefully he'll start calling him that soon). He's a great big brother.

I leave you with some pictures from our day today. I haven't been taking as many pictures as I should lately just because I've been so exhausted but I'm finally starting to feel a little inspired by my boys. Plus, like I said, I think things are finally beginning to settle down so hopefully there will be many, many more to come!

I've been trying literally since Wyatt was born to get a decent shot of his little feet ("the peets!" as Carter calls them) but my point & shoot is just NOT quick enough and Wyatt always moves before I can catch them. I finally got one today. He has the funniest feet. We noticed right when he was born that his toes were really long and realized he had Erik's feet! They look like little finger toes!

Carter was not too interested in our picture-taking as he was enjoying a "samich" and "godurt" (pb&j and yogurt - his fave!) and watching "pets teamwork" (Wonder Pets). Yes, that's right, I let my son eat lunch while watching tv at a little table in the living room. *gasp* ;p

about me

2011-02-18T16:25:00.000-06:00

Hi, my name is Alyssa. I'm 23 years old and I live in a small suburban town called Grafton, Wisconsin. I'm extremely girly and have been since I was a little girl. I love anything and everything pink. I adore makeup and have a true passion for it. I'm also obsessed with Hello Kitty.

I have a boyfriend named Erik who I have been with since May 30, 2004 (we were on and off 2004-2007). We moved in together November of 2007 and I (mistakenly) got pregnant in December. It was quite a shock and we had a rough time together through most of my pregnancy. However on September 10, 2008, the day our son Carter was born, everything took a turn for the better. Erik is the most caring dad I have ever seen. He's always been so attentive when it comes to Carter. From the moment he was born, he's always really taken initiative with him. He and Carter have a very strong, close bond and they're always doing stuff together. You can tell Carter really looks up to his daddy.

Erik always insisted he didn't want any more kids and that Carter was it for us. But in January of 2010, we decided to try for another baby. We tried in January but it didn't happen right away so we decided to wait a few months so the baby wouldn't be due around Christmas. In May, I finally got my positive! It was very exciting and such a different experience than when I found out I was pregnant with Carter. This time, we were all so excited right away and there was no questioning it like with Carter since it was planned. It was a really happy time and my pregnancy was a much less stressful one too. I really enjoyed this pregnancy too and there weren't too many moments where I wasn't so happy just to be pregnant. To our surprise, we found out we were having ANOTHER boy in September. Everyone was surprised when we had one boy but they were even more stunned when they found out that an INSANELY girly-girl like me would soon be the mother of TWO boys! On January 25, 2011, our second son Wyatt was born. We're so happy to have another little bitty again. Carter seems so huge to us now that Wyatt is here. He's wonderful with his little brother and is always trying to help and even gives him hugs and kisses. He's going to be a great big brother.

I absolutely love being a mom. I feel really blessed to be able to stay at home with my boys, too. We definitely plan on having at least one more baby in the near future. Maybe this next one will be a girl, but if not, I'll just continue to be the queen of my castle!